Joe Biden, Flaming Perverts and Weird Hair

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From The Drudge Retort, Thursday April 14, 2011

Customer Catches Fire at Porn Shop

A man was hospitalized Wednesday evening with life-threatening, third-degree burns after somehow catching fire inside a San Francisco porn store. Police officers across the street from the Golden Gate Adult Superstore saw a man leave "engulfed in flames," said SFPD Lt. Troy Dangerfield. (I decided not to illustrate this story. Your own mental image is funny enough.)

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Ukranian hair styles...what else are they smoking over there?

Youth Envy --From Ridiculous to... More Ridiculous

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I think I’ve finally figured out why some “clothing designers” insist on creating those god-awful “fashions” that no one in the real world would wear. It all comes down to youth envy.

Young women and men have an aura of freshness and vitality that most of these geriatric designers have not had for a long time. So to make up for lost youth, why not make young models look, well, ridiculous? Dress them in Dali’s-nightmare togs, use make-up giving them that pained, drawn, strung-out appearance, and parade them in front of a bunch of fawning acolytes who think such things are great sport.

How else could you explain the following photos?

Balloons and nylon luggage straps as hats ... very nice! HSN will have these soon. Don’t forget to order the police whistle earrings!

These models look like they were given Fleet enemas and not allowed in the bathroom until after the show.

Meet Dame Vivienne Westwood, 69, who recently announced she has no plans to retire. Why would she? She’s having a grand time making her models look ridiculous.

Dirndls and Lederhosen – Traditional or Sexy?

From The Wall Street Journal

Long the preserve of fräuleins and Alpine cultural enthusiasts, dirndls and lederhosen have become an international fashion trend in recent years, inspiring ever bolder iterations that purists say are transforming their proud heritage into a vulgar caricature.

Celebrities such as Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton flaunt designer renditions that cost thousands of dollars. Lederhosen made for women have turned up in recent collections by designers such as Yves Saint Laurent and Alice + Olivia.

Chinese High-Rise Transforms Into One Story Flats

From the people who gave the world tainted baby formula, poison pet food and exploding CFLs, comes a new innovation: a 12-story building that converts itself into a ground floor building!

  

Notice the creative use of hollow support columns without using that bothersome steel re-bar. 

The architect, engineers, and construction crews were unavailable for comment. Not that they declined to comment ... they could not be found for comment!

How Obama Turned Me into a Conservative

I tried for a long time to be a liberal. In my idealistic 20’s and 30’s, I supported the panoply of environmental causes. I was in favor of “alternative” energy sources. I even believed that governments could be benevolent caretakers of those in need.

As I got into my 40’s and 50’s, things began to change. As environmental extremists became environmental terrorists, I realized that something was not quite right about the “Save the Earth” movement. Environmental and alternative energy groups morphed into well funded cabals. They lobbied for extreme and sometimes ridiculous governmental regulation. Incredibly, they usually succeeded.

Government service became a massive entitlement program. Those “in power” made sure to legislate towards staying in power, and of course to continue their entitlements. At this point, I suppose I became a moderate something-or-other, not quite liberal, not quite conservative. As partisan bickering began to overshadow legitimate national concerns, I wondered “Where’s the benevolence here?”

Enter Obama. He looked good, sounded good, and appeared to have presidential qualities. Some raised warning flags concerning Obama’s past associations, the “Chicago-style” organizing, and his cadre of hangers-on who had shadowy affiliations.

Most of this was dismissed as racial bias, and Barrack Obama was elected as our 44th President.

I had been circling the drop zone, until November, 2008, when Obama declared his desire to use Cap and Trade to “bankrupt them” … “them” being anyone who owns a coal powered plant. By extension that would include any traditional energy user or producer. That statement pushed me out of the plane, and I dropped squarely into the Conservative camp.

Two years later, we have a shaky financial sector, nearly double-digit unemployment, and an insane runaway deficit. This administration has taken over some private institutions, or dictated conditions as to command-structure, salaries and bonuses, and has disrupted domestic petroleum production.

So, it should be no wonder that my idealism (“These people are working for the common good”) has been replaced by stark realism (“These people are working to destroy the American Identity.”) I do not wish this great nation to become a mediocre clone of someplace else. We have to get off this destructive path and get back to the high road.

Obama's Giant Leap?

Maureen Dowd, in her recent column entitled “Slouching Toward Washington” highlighted Bill Maher’s comments on Christine O’Donnell, and offered a detailed litany against those who would dare question the superior intelligence of the scientific community. See the full column here: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/09/26/opinion/26dowd.html


But the real exposé of Maureen’s sentiments popped out in this paragraph:

"President Obama was supposed to be a giant leap forward in modernity, the brainy, rational first black president leading us out of the scientific darkness of the W. years. But by letting nutters get a foothold, he may usher us into the past."

Interestingly, Maureen has just unwittingly admitted that Obama has spawned a new awareness in conservatives and freethinking Americans, and that he has been a disappointment in the eyes of the Progressives.

Also, just how would Maureen propose that Obama prevent "nutters" from getting a "foothold"? There's a dark implication that some sort of forceful imposition should be made to stifle dissent. I don't believe the Constitution would support such action.

Oh, silly me, I forgot that Maureen thinks the Constitution is outdated and doesn't matter anymore.

Political Primates

 

It's an often-used sight gag, but it's still good for laughs. See if your favorite political primate is here.

Altered Energy

Jim knew his alternative fuels vehicle needed some fine tuning, but he was sure that car-makers would see the potential in his design.

Nuptial Bra?

TOKYO (Reuters Life!) – Triumph International, maker of the solar, postal and chopstick bras, introduces its latest novelty bra. It features an electronic nuptial timepiece, putting women seeking spouses literally on the clock.

If an engagement ring is inserted into the mechanism, the countdown stops and the bra plays Felix Mendelssohn’s “The Wedding March.”
The bra also includes holders for the traditional seal some people use to sign off contracts and a pen for any possible nuptial agreement.

American History ... Joe Biden Style

On September 31st, 1929 - the first day of spring and the day after Christmas, the stock market crashed in the morning just as the evening news with Katie Couric came on. President Roosevelt called a meeting of the Joint Chiefs, and they rolled one.

President Roosevelt called CNN on his cell phone and made a statement. He said not to worry, the economy was fine and the government would take care of everything. To show confidence in the system, he went water skiing behind a U-boat on Lake Pontchartrain.

When Poland invaded Mongolia, it was so hot in Siberia that you could cook kielbasa on the sidewalk in Moscow. That is the preferred method of cooking kielbasa to this day.

But the Chinese launched Sputnik, and everyone panicked. The US bought up all the land east of China and flooded it so no one else could use it. The Corps of Engineers built a moat around Hawaii so Barack Obama could vacation there.

All along, Republican controlled banks loaned money to people with no legs to stand on, and their pants had no pockets to hold the money they needed to make their mortgage payments. And that's how the deficit was created.